What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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