feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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