I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
