The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
