Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
