Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
