I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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