She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
