god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My liver just broke up with me...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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