dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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