even my farts smell like vagina
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
