I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
