how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
