So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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