Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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