Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
