Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
