Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
