Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Someone came in the potted fern
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
