those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
