He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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