i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
