watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
