She is in my trunk
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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