You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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