I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
