She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
