my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
