i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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