So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
