After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
