we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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