I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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