I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
