Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
