so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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