Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
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She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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