Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
