Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
