Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
