Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't turn off my feet"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
