I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
