So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
