i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
