Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
