just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
