I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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