Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
