Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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