So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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