She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
