Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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