I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am one with the molecules
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
