Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
