I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
