it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize