Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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