How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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