Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
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Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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