is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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