Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
