hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
