I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
