she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
