he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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