U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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