Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize