So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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