If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
