Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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