I'm gonna have a badass scar
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
