wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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