Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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