I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
